i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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