Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
