he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
