So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
