I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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