The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
