it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
