Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
