Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
