great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
