Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
