I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
