If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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