id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
