fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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