i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
