you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
