I'm really into asian looking animals
I have demons in me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
