I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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