please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
