FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
