Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
