every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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