I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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