I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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