she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
