Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
