Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
