My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
