yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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