I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
