Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
