Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
