Yo dont text me then not text me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
