Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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