That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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