I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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