the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
