i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is my gift to your gina
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
