dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
