I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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