we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
