so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
