AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
