I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
