Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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