Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
