My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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