I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
