I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
