it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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