I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
